We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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