when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
