I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
