somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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