if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
