Barsexuality is the new black.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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