her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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