i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
