My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
