someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
