I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
