Don't you send me to vm
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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