Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
