Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
