he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize