Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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