it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
