The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
