put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
