I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
