You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
