Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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