2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
