my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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