it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Send help, water and tortillas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
