She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
