he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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