I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
