life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
