Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
