Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
