Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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