halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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