im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
