Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
