Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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