Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
