how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
