I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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