I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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