when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
