It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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