She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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