You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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