dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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