we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
