So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize