Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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