and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
