capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
