I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
