I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
