If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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