Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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