i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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