I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it hurts more in the daytime
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize