He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
