Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you so shy because you have an std?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
