it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
