ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize