Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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