Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no. you can't hotbox the world.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
