Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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