Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
