We're facebook friends in real life
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
