first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
