Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
