This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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