Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
