i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
