happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the liver wants what the liver wants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
