I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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