she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
