I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
