doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
