How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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