i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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