oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
