I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
