I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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