she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize