my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
