Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
