don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
