I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize