I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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