She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
