Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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