I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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