Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
