So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
