she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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