Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
