Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
