well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
